How To Avoid Dating a ‘Gaslighter’

A relationship with a gaslighter is a toxic one which you should always look to avoid. For those of you who are not aware, this type of person is someone who is constantly looking to make you second guess yourself and to doubt the things that you believe or which you know to be true. This usually happens slowly with comments that plant the seed of doubt in your mind about yourself. It is hard to always spot this but there are some signs which you can find that will help you to spot when someone is gaslighting.

The Phrases They Use

There are a number of phrases which you can look out for that are used on a regular basis by the other party. Bear in mind that these are things which may be said in a relationship, but when they begin to get overused then this could certainly be the indicator that a problem exists.

  • You’re so sensitive!
  • You know that’s just because you are so insecure
  • Stop acting crazy
  • You sound crazy, you know that, don’t you?
  • You are just paranoid
  • You just love trying to throw me off track
  • I was just joking!
  • You are making that up
  • It’s no big deal
  • You’re imagining things
  • You’re overreacting

These are comments which will make you second guess yourself if they are said to you on a number of occasions, so keep a watch out for them.

Personal Thoughts

Your own personal thoughts are important too here and that is why there are a number of signs which you can keep an eye out for. Let’s say for example that you are constantly thinking about whether or not you are too sensitive, or whether you have been imagining a certain emotion. Equally if you are apologizing all of the time or lying for your partners’ behavior to your friends and family. These are things which you should learn to recognize in yourself and if you see them, it’s time to get out of it.

Speaking With Friends

It is important that you are able to recognize the difference between someone’s way of being with you or someone’s way of handling conflict, and gaslighting. For example there may be an instance when you are being overly dramatic or when you allow your own fears or thoughts to make you a little more sensitive than is normal, we cannot assume that someone who puts that out there is a gaslighter. In order to help you decide whether or not you are indeed being gaslit, it is important that you maintain a healthy and open dialogue with your friends and your family, so that they can offer advice with regards to whether or not this is actually the case.

The best way to avoid this is to know how to spot the signs, take advice and then take action before it gets too far. If you don’t act early on in the relationship, you may actually start doubting your own perception of reality.

Nichola Hunt

Cocktail aficionado. Large dog breed lover. Fondness of summer dresses. Hater of pickles. Born in London, based in Bali.

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