How I Went from a Sexless Marriage to In Love All Over Again

About two months ago I fell madly in love with my husband again. In fact, I feel more in love now than I did when we got engaged. It’s kind of shocking when I tell my girlfriends. But it is true, I am happier than I have ever been, and here’s how it happened:

I was on the brink of getting divorced–even Googling how to get a divorce–but I knew we had it in us to be happy. I needed tools and inspiration, so I went to a book store. I bought a few titles that looked interesting and spent hours poring over these relationship manuals. The more I read, the more I realized that I had a great, loving partner and that our marriage was far from doomed.

It was tools from the book that helped me let go of my stubbornness, and made me realize I needed to be a better partner. They also gave me the energy to express my issues to my husband, while reminding me about the power of positive thinking. I have always known that we can control our mindset and we can decide to be mopey or grumpy or, to the contrary, be optimistic. The Rolling Stones said it best in their song, “Love the One You’re With.” Every time I have felt sad and hopeless in my marriage, I would remind myself of those lyrics. If you have a good man, just love him! Let go of all of the stupid crap you are fighting about and just be grateful for him and love him. The truth is, if you are good to your partner, he will reciprocate. It’s a wonderful catch-22 of kindness and love that keeps feeding off of each other.

The second thing that really helped my marriage and inspired my positive attitude approach was therapy, in the form of a book called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad To Stay.” Once I read this book, it gave me such clarity that my issues were really not big-time problems. For instance: I used to be so hung up on finding something and someone better. Now I realize that what I have is great, and that I may find a different kind of man out there, but I wouldn’t necessarily find a better marriage. The book very clearly walks the reader through 35 very important questions you need to ask about your relationship. Just realizing that our problems and issues could be resolved gave me such a sense of relief.

Most importantly, this book was a real kick in the ass for  me. I knew it was time to sit up and stop complaining and take matters into my own hands. I know that our problems are as much my fault as they are my husband’s, and that we need to work together to reach a common ground. So far, we are both willing to do the work. Check back with me in a month…we’ll see how it goes.

Nichola Hunt

Cocktail aficionado. Large dog breed lover. Fondness of summer dresses. Hater of pickles. Born in London, based in Bali.

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