Why Gwyneth Paltrow Might Be Smoking A Cigarette At This Very Moment

For all that is health- and fitness-related, Gwyneth Paltrow has pretty much assumed the voice of God. Which is why, when we read her recent article for the Telegraph, we breathed a collective sigh of relief. Yes, Paltrow may be an outspoken advocate of the Tracy Anderson’s Method workout. Yes, she’s a 40-year-old with the hard-earned body of a “22-year-old.” And yes, on Saturday night, she too pours herself a stiff glass of pinot noir.

The Goop goddess has gone through the same trials and tribulations as the rest of us (and then some) when it comes to finding the motivation to workout, stick to our diet, and not cry when we get on the scale. Here are the top five reasons why Gwyn is (kinda) just like us:

1. She didn’t make it through the Master Cleanse. “In my twenties I did the Master Cleanse, which left me hallucinating after 10 days.” Amen, sister. While doctors like Alejandro Junger recommend detoxing once a year to rid our systems of processed food and toxins, ridding yourself of unhealthy materials is no reason to get reacquainted with long-lost imaginary friends. Pass. Find a more realistic, reasonable way to detox.

2. She gets easily distracted by junk food. Gwynnie handles this by having a batch of healthy snacks on hand and preparing a boatload of salad dressings every Sunday. Fight the urge by keeping your cupboards well-stocked with fresh basics.

3. She avoids looking at the scale. According to Gwyn: “There is something punitive about weighing yourself.” A woman’s weight fluctuates naturally according to where she is in her cycle. If you really want to monitor your progress, stick to the measuring tape method.

4. Her wine and cigarettes aren’t going anywhere. Ms. Paltrow may stay away from processed foods, work out at 10 a.m. daily and diligently make her healthy snacks ahead of time but that doesn’t mean she’s all workout and no play. “I often have a glass of red wine in the evening and smoke a cigarette on a Saturday.” Not exactly living on the wild side, but we’ll take it.

5. She cheats (a little). Paltrow uses a tinted moisturizer called Prtty Peaushun to give her muscles the illusion of contour and definition. Apparently this stuff makes your skin look “really hydrated” as well. Gwyn admits to wearing it on her stomach when she was filming Iron Man 3. Who doesn’t love a good shortcut?

So, next time you find yourself wistfully watching Iron Man 3 as you reach for the chocolate wafers, take solace in the knowledge that even the World’s Most Beautiful Woman may be indulging in a cigarette at that very moment (and those glistening abs had some help).